Kungfucaveman

<

30 notes &

A friend of mine from work and her fiancé went to the crossfit games last week. While there, they got to go to a meet and greet with Dmitry Klokov. Knowing that I’m a fan, she got him to sign a t-shirt for me. I’m not much of an autograph or memorabilia seeker, but it was really nice that she did that (hey, free t-shirt!)

When she went up to him, she started going a little fan girlish, apparently. “You’re the best!”, “I followed your squat program and increase my pr by 30%”, “I really respect what you do”, etc.
She said that throughout it, he just looked at her. He finally turned to a guy next to him and started speaking Russian while looking at her. “Oh, gosh! I’m sorry! I didn’t even consider you couldn’t speak English. NICE. TO. MEET. YOU!”

Fast forward to later in the day, and she finds herself sitting right behind where Klokov is leaning on a rail, watching the event.
Out of the crowd, she hears a woman’s voice: “Dmitry! Pick me up. Pick me up!”, and she sees a woman’s arms lift into the air. Klokov reached down and hoisted the woman over the rail by her arms. It’s Christmas Abbott. (Yellow bikini top/sports bra thingie in the above pics). And she is all over Klokov. . They are flirting, rubbing on each other, just totally macking on each other.
As this goes on, my friend is hit with a realization. Turning to her husband to be, she says, “That son of a bitch can speak English!”
“Look- he’s totally flirting and speaking English to that ho-bag Christmas. Aw man, he pretended to only speak Russian to get rid of me!”

"Well, you’re no Christmas Abbott, sweetie", her fiancé replied.

No word yet on how long his recovery will take….

41 notes &

I was supposed to leave on Friday for a two week vacation in California. Instead, we’ll be driving to Missouri.
It’s a family emergency that’s not really an emergency type of thing.
I swear, I don’t know why I EVER try and plan things.

Someone (a friend of Nikki’s) is staying in my house to “watch the dogs” for us while we are gone. Which means we’re paying someone to eat our food, swim in our pool, and watch our tv. Basically, we are paying someone to vacation at our house while we are gone. But - I’m not the boss.

I figure besides seeing in laws, I’ll take everyone to Silver Dollar City in Branson. Maybe find somewhere to stay at table rock lake so the kids can fish from the shore. I don’t know what else. I don’t know Missouri that well. Brooksy? Suggestions?

Then we’re swinging down to Searcy, Arkansas to visit more relatives. This one is a must, as they are like 3rd in line to raise our kids if we all croak.

I guess over the last week, we’ll just drive around Oklahoma, Colorado, and New Mexico. Fun stuff.

Did I mention my 3 yr old is NOT a good traveling companion? Come to think of it, my wife and I always fight on road trips.
So, Instead of going to Disneyland, and instead of hanging out with my side of the family on the beach in San Diego, I’m going to be spending the next 2 weeks trapped in a car with all of the weirdos pictured above.

And to be honest, I can’t wait….

28 notes &

I am supposed to be buying a gift for a 4 yr old girl’s birthday party. It starts in 25 minutes. 
I am completely out of my element….

What are little girl’s into? Zombies? Dragons? Robots? Zombie dragon robots?

Everything is either pink or purple. Are those the only colors little girls like? Maybe I&#8217;m in the wrong section…..

I am supposed to be buying a gift for a 4 yr old girl’s birthday party. It starts in 25 minutes.
I am completely out of my element….

What are little girl’s into? Zombies? Dragons? Robots? Zombie dragon robots?

Everything is either pink or purple. Are those the only colors little girls like? Maybe I’m in the wrong section…..

42 notes &

My wife texted me a little while ago to tell me how awesome her trainer is. &#8220;She had me doing things that I&#8217;ve never even seen and I am totally wiped out now!&#8221;, she gleefully said. 

Then she started obsessing/complaining about her &#8220;little pooch&#8221;. Now, seriously, the woman has a six pack. But she has a small bump of extra skin under her belly button. Kind of like what you would see on any girl/woman. But she never used to have it. So she complains. 

Instead of arguing with her, or even validating her, I sent her the above pic of her pregnant with our youngest back in 2010. &#8220;You look amazing&#8221;, I said. 

Her only response so far has been, &#8220;Holy crap.&#8221;

It&#8217;s all about perspective&#8230;&#8230;

My wife texted me a little while ago to tell me how awesome her trainer is. “She had me doing things that I’ve never even seen and I am totally wiped out now!”, she gleefully said.

Then she started obsessing/complaining about her “little pooch”. Now, seriously, the woman has a six pack. But she has a small bump of extra skin under her belly button. Kind of like what you would see on any girl/woman. But she never used to have it. So she complains.

Instead of arguing with her, or even validating her, I sent her the above pic of her pregnant with our youngest back in 2010. “You look amazing”, I said.

Her only response so far has been, “Holy crap.”

It’s all about perspective……

45 notes &

My wife and I went to the gym tonight and then straight to dinner in our workout clothes. 
Interesting fact: the lighting in Saltgrass Steakhouse makes pink Fila tech shirts semi sheer in areas where the shirt is stretched tight. 
My wife was horrified. I was mesmerized. My wife actually used the phrase: “My eyes are up here”, at one point in our conversation. 
She wanted to jet. I didn’t - we had already ordered our food. We stayed, but my wife wore her big cloth napkin as a bib. Total buzzkill. 

The picture above was taken riiiight before I asked her if it was too cold in the restaurant for her.

My wife and I went to the gym tonight and then straight to dinner in our workout clothes.
Interesting fact: the lighting in Saltgrass Steakhouse makes pink Fila tech shirts semi sheer in areas where the shirt is stretched tight.
My wife was horrified. I was mesmerized. My wife actually used the phrase: “My eyes are up here”, at one point in our conversation.
She wanted to jet. I didn’t - we had already ordered our food. We stayed, but my wife wore her big cloth napkin as a bib. Total buzzkill.

The picture above was taken riiiight before I asked her if it was too cold in the restaurant for her.

32 notes &

In my wife&#8217;s continuing quest to whip me into shape, she dug out this contraption. I bought it for her over a decade ago. She swears by it. 
So, last night, I mounted up and started working the old abs. 

Let me tell you, for a gimmicky workout device I bought off of an infomercial years ago, it really kicked my butt. 

My stomach is so sore today, it hurts to breathe.  
This better help make my core as strong as steel. The old weightlifter in me is embarrassed I&#8217;m actually using what I used to refer to as a &#8220;toy.&#8221; But, whatever works, right?

If she busts out a thigh master, though, I&#8217;m out. I have to draw the line somewhere. 
She asked me last night what I wanted to watch on the dvr and without thinking, I said, &#8220;We can watch your Bachelorette show if you want.&#8221; I swear, I immediately felt my testicles shrink a little bit. I think my voice is a little higher, too. 

*sigh*

The things we do for love&#8230;.

In my wife’s continuing quest to whip me into shape, she dug out this contraption. I bought it for her over a decade ago. She swears by it.
So, last night, I mounted up and started working the old abs.

Let me tell you, for a gimmicky workout device I bought off of an infomercial years ago, it really kicked my butt.

My stomach is so sore today, it hurts to breathe.
This better help make my core as strong as steel. The old weightlifter in me is embarrassed I’m actually using what I used to refer to as a “toy.” But, whatever works, right?

If she busts out a thigh master, though, I’m out. I have to draw the line somewhere.
She asked me last night what I wanted to watch on the dvr and without thinking, I said, “We can watch your Bachelorette show if you want.” I swear, I immediately felt my testicles shrink a little bit. I think my voice is a little higher, too.

*sigh*

The things we do for love….