Kungfucaveman

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38 notes &

Apple’s latest technology “reveal” didn’t do anything for me. I couldn’t muster any excitement. Why?

30 yrs ago, when I was a kid, we were promised great advancements. 
Flying cars,
Personal jet packs,
Robots. 

Instead, What do we have to show for the last 30 yrs? What amazing inventions have we come up with?

Cell phones and the internet. 

Big whoop. I mean, we already had the others invented! All we had to do was improve on the designs. But, nooooo, let’s invent something that’s not cool, instead. 

Now someone can reach you no matter where you are on Earth, day or night. Through a phone you carry around with you. I’m sure that sounded like a great idea when it was being invented. 

And the internet? Sure, nobody has to buy encyclopedias or go to circle k and nervously ask for a magazine from the “special rack” behind the counter anymore.  You can read all about flesh eating beetles in ancient Egypt while lying in bed, in your underwear, your bare belly coated in Cheetos dust. 
All of mankind’s knowledge stored and ready to be accessed. All at the tips of our fingers. Just a quick click away.

Okay, the internet Is actually pretty cool. 

I understood, even as a kid, that maybe cancer wouldn’t be cured, or that we wouldn’t be living on the moon by the time I was an adult. But, I figured “So what?”- I’d be too busy using my personal jet pack to jump from San Diego to Disneyland to notice or care.

And medicine. Medicine is the worst. Where are all the advances? Are you telling me we are smart enough to put a man on the freaking moon, but the most advanced cancer screening we can manage for women is smashing their boobies between two plates? Have you ever seen a mammogram?? It’s like looking at a sketch from the Spanish inquisition’s how to book of torture from the 1500s. 
They smash those boobies flat. SMASH them. 

So, as everyone excitedly talked and tweeted about apple’s new watch yesterday, I went to the doctor for a summer cold I can’t kick. 
While there, my doctor gave me the “Now that you’re 41, we need to start thinking about some additional tests” speech. Translation? “You are going to pay me to stick my finger up your butthole so I can manually poke at your prostate.” 
What the hell, America? Greatest country on Earth my ass. This kind of thing still goes on? Where’s the technology? Where are the innovations?

He must have seen it on my face, because he asked “Are you okay, big guy?”
And with a lump in my throat, all I could say was, “But…….where’s my flying car?”

Getting old sucks&#8230;..

Apple’s latest technology “reveal” didn’t do anything for me. I couldn’t muster any excitement. Why?

30 yrs ago, when I was a kid, we were promised great advancements.
Flying cars,
Personal jet packs,
Robots.

Instead, What do we have to show for the last 30 yrs? What amazing inventions have we come up with?

Cell phones and the internet.

Big whoop. I mean, we already had the others invented! All we had to do was improve on the designs. But, nooooo, let’s invent something that’s not cool, instead.

Now someone can reach you no matter where you are on Earth, day or night. Through a phone you carry around with you. I’m sure that sounded like a great idea when it was being invented.

And the internet? Sure, nobody has to buy encyclopedias or go to circle k and nervously ask for a magazine from the “special rack” behind the counter anymore. You can read all about flesh eating beetles in ancient Egypt while lying in bed, in your underwear, your bare belly coated in Cheetos dust.
All of mankind’s knowledge stored and ready to be accessed. All at the tips of our fingers. Just a quick click away.

Okay, the internet Is actually pretty cool.

I understood, even as a kid, that maybe cancer wouldn’t be cured, or that we wouldn’t be living on the moon by the time I was an adult. But, I figured “So what?”- I’d be too busy using my personal jet pack to jump from San Diego to Disneyland to notice or care.

And medicine. Medicine is the worst. Where are all the advances? Are you telling me we are smart enough to put a man on the freaking moon, but the most advanced cancer screening we can manage for women is smashing their boobies between two plates? Have you ever seen a mammogram?? It’s like looking at a sketch from the Spanish inquisition’s how to book of torture from the 1500s.
They smash those boobies flat. SMASH them.

So, as everyone excitedly talked and tweeted about apple’s new watch yesterday, I went to the doctor for a summer cold I can’t kick.
While there, my doctor gave me the “Now that you’re 41, we need to start thinking about some additional tests” speech. Translation? “You are going to pay me to stick my finger up your butthole so I can manually poke at your prostate.”
What the hell, America? Greatest country on Earth my ass. This kind of thing still goes on? Where’s the technology? Where are the innovations?

He must have seen it on my face, because he asked “Are you okay, big guy?”
And with a lump in my throat, all I could say was, “But…….where’s my flying car?”

Getting old sucks…..

Filed under And don't call me big guy

33 notes &

We got a visit from the ketchup fairy last weekend. This is around HALF of what she left *sigh*

As of this morning, I am down to 259 lbs. My intake is all over the place, but my lifting, swimming, biking, etc have been on point for a couple of months now. 
This, despite not sleeping well for the last couple of weeks. Not because of my age, but because of one of our dogs. She’s an 8 yr old, 8 lb shih-tzu, so I like to think of her as our “backup dog.” She’s like a real dog, only dumber. She spends most of her time randomly licking walls in our house and sitting in my wife’s lap, with the occasional “hump the irish setter’s head when he goes to sleep” thrown in for good measure. 
Lately, she has started waking me up every night- barking. Why? Because while I was out of town, my wife let her sleep in our bed during a thunderstorm. So, now, she starts barking around 1am. Every. Freaking. Night. 
I went to petsmart to get a bark deterrent collar, but all they had were the ones that coddle the dog, whisper “shhhhh” and squirt out a little potpourri when the dog barks. I need something better. 
Maybe I can build a shock collar out of the spare parts from when I disassembled our ice maker last week to fix it. Odd thing, that. Turns out I am not adept at taking random broken things apart and magically figuring out how to repair and reassemble them once the parts are lined up before me. 

On the plus side, my youngest turned 4 last weekend, and my oldest (6 yrs old) has taken his education in the ways of the world upon himself. As they were playing in their room, I heard my 6 yr old say, “No, girls don’t have balls. Only boys have balls. Girls have faginas.”
So last night, the 4 yr old yelled “Xena (our backup dog) is smashing her fagina on Riley’s head again!” 
Which is actually less disturbing than when he used to say “her balls”

It’s the little things….

We got a visit from the ketchup fairy last weekend. This is around HALF of what she left *sigh*

As of this morning, I am down to 259 lbs. My intake is all over the place, but my lifting, swimming, biking, etc have been on point for a couple of months now.
This, despite not sleeping well for the last couple of weeks. Not because of my age, but because of one of our dogs. She’s an 8 yr old, 8 lb shih-tzu, so I like to think of her as our “backup dog.” She’s like a real dog, only dumber. She spends most of her time randomly licking walls in our house and sitting in my wife’s lap, with the occasional “hump the irish setter’s head when he goes to sleep” thrown in for good measure.
Lately, she has started waking me up every night- barking. Why? Because while I was out of town, my wife let her sleep in our bed during a thunderstorm. So, now, she starts barking around 1am. Every. Freaking. Night.
I went to petsmart to get a bark deterrent collar, but all they had were the ones that coddle the dog, whisper “shhhhh” and squirt out a little potpourri when the dog barks. I need something better.
Maybe I can build a shock collar out of the spare parts from when I disassembled our ice maker last week to fix it. Odd thing, that. Turns out I am not adept at taking random broken things apart and magically figuring out how to repair and reassemble them once the parts are lined up before me.

On the plus side, my youngest turned 4 last weekend, and my oldest (6 yrs old) has taken his education in the ways of the world upon himself. As they were playing in their room, I heard my 6 yr old say, “No, girls don’t have balls. Only boys have balls. Girls have faginas.”
So last night, the 4 yr old yelled “Xena (our backup dog) is smashing her fagina on Riley’s head again!”
Which is actually less disturbing than when he used to say “her balls”

It’s the little things….

24 notes &

Smells like autumn

No, YOU just gagged your way through the anesthetic for the debridement of Fornier’s gangrene. Not me. I’m too smart to get roped into a case like that.

Note to reader: Do not google images of Fornier’s gangrene

28 notes &

Turns out my wife was actually feeling pangs of parental guilt after 1st grade meet &amp; greet today and was looking for some genuine reassurance. 

Here&#8217;s a marriage tip for you: Sarcasm will be poorly received by your partner in such a situation. 

Who knew?

Turns out my wife was actually feeling pangs of parental guilt after 1st grade meet & greet today and was looking for some genuine reassurance.

Here’s a marriage tip for you: Sarcasm will be poorly received by your partner in such a situation.

Who knew?

Filed under women are a mystery

27 notes &

Pencil pushers

We have new “time out” procedures we have to follow in the OR where I work. The time out is designed to help prevent mistakes. The circulating nurse announces “This is patient XYZ, having XYZ procedure. This antibiotic was given at this time, etc,etc. does everyone agree?” And we all mumble our agreement before the surgeon cuts. It’s supposed to help prevent wrong site surgeries,etc.

The new time out procedure was obviously written by a pencil pushing number cruncher with no OR experience. In addition to all the regular stuff, they now want us to go around the room and introduce ourselves out loud and announce our role. Stupid, but I’m game. Today, I was Willie Wonka.
The REALLY stupid addition is the question, “Do you anticipate any unexpected events/complications during the surgery?”

Just think, the person who came up with the question “what unexpected things do you expect” is one of the people making healthcare policy decisions that affect others….

41 notes &

So, it’s been eight years since I finished my Master’s and I finally paid one of my student loans off. Only 3 more to go. *sigh*
This post is going to be me complaining about things like a grouchy old man. That way, I’ve purged the griping from my system and won’t bring it home. (In theory)

Education is expensive. When I finished anesthesia training, I owed over $150,000. I’ve got it down to around $75,000 now. I remember back in nineteen hundred and ninety three, enrolling for 21 hrs at New Mexico State University as a sophomore? Junior? anyway- my tuition was $770. Things have sure become expensive…. 

I’d celebrate paying off a loan, but last night, my insulated steel garage door jumped the tracks, twisting the frame. No idea how it happened. But I know it’s going to be expensive to fix/replace.

 AND, I found out yesterday that I will be eating the $500 deductible on getting our SUV repaired from where that lady in Branson sideswiped us. Such is life, I guess. 

Also, my plantar fasciitis has been so bad in my left foot for the last couple of weeks that I can barely walk on it when I get up from sitting. Time for another podiatrist visit. 

And - my Irish Setter is getting neutered today. My 3 yr old hugged him around the neck last night and said, “Getting your balls chopped tomorrow, Riley. Better lick em while you can.” From my wife’s point of view, the conversation only went downhill from there. 

Oh- and my oldest starts 1st grade on Monday. He’s growing up way too fast. Sometimes it makes me feel like my life is unraveling like a speed frame picture. Before you know it, he’ll be grown and I’ll be dead. 

I think that about covers it. 

Listing things out like that really helps me to realize what a blessed and privileged life I have. Seriously. 
I mean, I have a wife and kids who love me and are healthy. I have a dog who won’t be humping and trying to dominate everything anymore. I have a vehicle to take me places. Hell, I have more than one. I live in a country so prosperous, one of my biggest health concerns is getting too fat. 

I’ve actually got it pretty good, when I sit down to think about it….

So, it’s been eight years since I finished my Master’s and I finally paid one of my student loans off. Only 3 more to go. *sigh*
This post is going to be me complaining about things like a grouchy old man. That way, I’ve purged the griping from my system and won’t bring it home. (In theory)

Education is expensive. When I finished anesthesia training, I owed over $150,000. I’ve got it down to around $75,000 now. I remember back in nineteen hundred and ninety three, enrolling for 21 hrs at New Mexico State University as a sophomore? Junior? anyway- my tuition was $770. Things have sure become expensive….

I’d celebrate paying off a loan, but last night, my insulated steel garage door jumped the tracks, twisting the frame. No idea how it happened. But I know it’s going to be expensive to fix/replace.

AND, I found out yesterday that I will be eating the $500 deductible on getting our SUV repaired from where that lady in Branson sideswiped us. Such is life, I guess.

Also, my plantar fasciitis has been so bad in my left foot for the last couple of weeks that I can barely walk on it when I get up from sitting. Time for another podiatrist visit.

And - my Irish Setter is getting neutered today. My 3 yr old hugged him around the neck last night and said, “Getting your balls chopped tomorrow, Riley. Better lick em while you can.” From my wife’s point of view, the conversation only went downhill from there.

Oh- and my oldest starts 1st grade on Monday. He’s growing up way too fast. Sometimes it makes me feel like my life is unraveling like a speed frame picture. Before you know it, he’ll be grown and I’ll be dead.

I think that about covers it.

Listing things out like that really helps me to realize what a blessed and privileged life I have. Seriously.
I mean, I have a wife and kids who love me and are healthy. I have a dog who won’t be humping and trying to dominate everything anymore. I have a vehicle to take me places. Hell, I have more than one. I live in a country so prosperous, one of my biggest health concerns is getting too fat.

I’ve actually got it pretty good, when I sit down to think about it….

5 notes &

"Oy - Fredrick! Look at this mammoth tree. Magnificent! One has only to cast his gaze upon its enormous height and width to see the creator&#8217;s hand."

"I agree, Liam! Now, let&#8217;s go chop that f*cker down&#8230;."

"Oy - Fredrick! Look at this mammoth tree. Magnificent! One has only to cast his gaze upon its enormous height and width to see the creator’s hand."

"I agree, Liam! Now, let’s go chop that f*cker down…."

Filed under T.W.A.T.